Posts Tagged ‘thankful’

The Trouble With Being Thankful

This being thankful post has got me stressed out.

That sounds horrible, doesn’t it?

I don’t mean that all the wonderful gifts and things in my life that I am so grateful for a stressing me out. I mean that keeping track of them is stressing me out. I will be completely honest: this post usually escapes my memory until Saturday morning and I cannot for the life of me remember to write down the things I am thankful for as they happen.  Which leaves me on Saturday evening scrambling to try to remember what happened during the week that delighted me or humbled me or made me sigh with contentment.

Plus, this move has me super stressed out. I am still so glad we are making this change; it’s absolutely the right move for our family. But it means my tenure as stay-at-home-mom is soon coming to an end. And, yes, I will still be near the girls and I will still probably (hopefully) see them multiple times during the day. But these last (almost) 8 months have been the best and the hardest of my life and I have loved every moment of being at home with my girls. Knowing that they will never be like this and I will possibly never be a stay-at-home-mom again makes these last two weeks a little bittersweet.  I am trying to breathe in every moment, no matter how rank-tastic with poop it may be. I am trying to fully enjoy every happy moment and keep calm in the frustrating moments.

I am so thankful that Ken was able to give me the last 8 months to stay home with the girls and to be the sole person in charge of their development. I have been able to use whatever parenting approaches I want and experiment with what works for our family without worrying about how it will affect a daycare or a nanny or anyone other than us. I feel like my patience has grown and I have learned so much about infant development (which I find totally fascinating, by the way).

When I was pregnant I would wish that I could be at home with my baby instead of having to work (back when we thought there was only one baby), and then once we knew it was double, I was fairly certain staying home was out of the question. But the universe aligned to put me where I was needed most and I’m so grateful that I have been able to experience the craziness that is staying home with twins. Every. Single. Day.  And obviously it hasn’t been all sunshine and roses, but it has been a delight and a test of my strength and a giggle fest and a cry fest. We have days where we giggle and play and find so much joy in each other that I can’t even believe I got so lucky. Then there are days, like Friday, where I have a sick, sad baby who just wants to held and cuddled and is miserable, and then there is the other baby who just wants to play and have fun and I am so worn and tired by the end of the day with trying to keep both babies happy and cater to their very different wants and needs.  But at the end of the day, how bad could it actually have been when the sad, sick baby took a 20 minute nap on my chest while her sister blissfully played beside me and I was able to build a blanket of forts and play avalanche with the happy baby?

This is a good-bye to the thankful posts. I probably won’t post on Sunday for a while, just with the move and the unpacking and the babies and the oh-my-god-I’m-going-to-need-so-much-beer! But I am not abandoning counting my gifts. Julia’s blog initially inspired this series and I’m going to follow her example again. I am going to start counting my gifts in my other posts. If something happens in a post that I am sharing I will number it (#197) and then continue along.  We can continue counting together!

Be patient with me in the next month. The blog may suffer through the moving process. I hope not, cause this is such a haven for me, but, much like my sad, neglected, dying garden it is the first thing to get cut out when I am overwhelmed. Oh and, if you are the praying kind, please pray that the girls weather the move and the transitions with as much MORE grace than their mother weathers change.



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196. The Change is finalized.

I know I’ve been hinting for a while that we have been trying to make a change to improve our financial situation, to improve our overall living situation. Not that where we are has been particularly bad, but we have both felt a little like we were treading water. Ken has been feeling like he could do more work-wise and my world has become very small with being home with the girls.  Not necessarily bad things to feel, but we decided to do something about them.

As of Friday, we have officially been hired as teachers at a private school just outside of McMinnville. McMinnville is about an hour SW of Portland (half way to the beach). Ken will be working with the high school kids and I will be working with the elementary. The school has an on-sight daycare where the girls will be going, and where I could potentially end up as well.

Obviously this means we will be moving. I’m a little sad about that. I love our apartment and our neighborhood. I’m a little sad that we will be leaving the girls’ first home. But I think overall this will be a very positive change for us.

Um… this also means that I have approximately 3 weeks to pack… Who wants to come over and play with the babies while I organize/pack up our apartment?

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186. Getting the laundry done! I know, not something someone is typically thankful for, but this particular pile of laundry had been sitting in my bedroom the majority of the week and every time I walked in it would laugh at me and I would run out of the room crying and that kind of nonsense can only go on for so long before it leads to depression, over-eating, and run-on sentences. So I put that SOB in it’s place. Literally.

187. I keep hinting that our financial situation is going to change soon (hopefully), we took a big step closer to that changing this week. I’m not ready to spill the beans officially yet, so I apologize for the teaser. As soon as things are set in stone I will be shouting it from the rooftops!

188. Haley is totally mobile. It is such a relief to not be afraid of missing it, however it does mean that she is all over the place. And she used me to pull herself up onto her knees the other day. Not so ready for that, but she’s happy and that’s really all I care about right now.

189. Family time this weekend! We missed Ken so much last weekend and then he got home and promptly got sick. 😦 No bueno. So happy he’s home and healthy again.

190. I’m thankful that the girls are so adaptable. I try to keep their routine most days of the week, but every once in a while I have to tweak things for various reasons. I’m so glad the girls are willing to go with the flow (for now) and not get overly fussy.

191. We made new friends!!! Uh… um… I mean… *ahem*. We met some new people that we really like and hung out with them and their adorable little boy at the PSU farmer’s market. It was awesome.

192. Ken let me out of the house on Saturday to go write. I got off duty for bedtime, packed up the laptop and all my writing paraphernalia and went to go work on the blog, plus try to finish my story (oh words, why won’t you do what I want you to!!). I haven’t done that in well over a year. It was glorious.

193. I managed to use my sewing machine again. And I made adorable new burp clothes. No more raiding the diapers to wipe up spit up!

194. This face.

195. And this face.

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176. I am so thankful that the girls can (FINALLY) sit up unassisted. It’s like a whole new world has opened up to us. And I will now be singing Aladdin songs for the rest of the day.

177. I got to go out with my mom, sister, and brother to OMSI (Oregon Museum of Science and Industry): After Dark. More on that later this week.

178. The baby weight is officially gone!  Yahoo!!! I’m actually two pounds under what I was right before I got pregnant. They don’t make a smiley face emoticon big enough for this.

179. Our pretty, pretty play yard. I don’t have to use it to restrain them (yet), but they love pressing the buttons and spinning stuff.

180. I brought dinner to a friend of mine this week who has 6 week old twins. I got to hold a small, warm, sleeping baby and he was so sweet, but I am so glad we are at 7 months now.  I don’t have a lot of memories from those first few months, other than being tired, and I’m convinced it’s nature’s way of trying to get me to have more kids. Too soon, nature, too soon.

181. We got to put life jackets on the girls at swim lessons this week. Hazel LOVED it! It was the most animated she had been at swim lessons since we started. It was awesome!

182. My mom was great and stepped in to replace Ken for the last two swim classes.

183. I have had some really wonderful people say some very nice words about this blog and about my ramblings. I am so grateful for those words, but I’m also so grateful that I have so many great blog role models! The ladies who write the blogs I read on a regular basis are funny, smart, thoughtful, and just weird enough to reassure me that I’m not alone.

184. The new shoes I got last weekend! Perfect timing because I have had to throw away two pairs in the last three weeks.

185. I am also grateful for the new underwear I got. You know the saying about choosing your underwear for the day on the assumption that if you were in a car accident you would want to be wearing something you wouldn’t be embarrassed to have the paramedic see? Guys, I wouldn’t have even let the paramedic within five feet of me. It was bad. It was horrific. I dreaded opening my underwear drawer.  But it’s better now. It’s still not Victoria’s Secret, but I’m working on it.

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165. I got a package this week from my Aunt Annick. She lives in Paris and she sent two adorable dress for the girls to wear. They are size 12 months. I already have outfits planned around them. (Ignore the little hand trying to help Momma take pictures.)

166. Swim lessons. Or, rather, that the girls don’t have meltdowns when we go to swim lessons. Though I am glad we have the weekend off, going every day is a little exhausting for the parents.

167. Haley’s almost crawling and is getting really stable when she sits up. Hopefully she will be able to do both very soon. Next week, maybe?

168. Hazel has been very talkative and giggly this week. It’s nice to see such wonderful smiles from my normally stoic baby.

169.  We had a play date with a wonderful little boy named Tyler. He’s pretty awesome. And his mom is cool too.

170. Getting to go to dinner with my parents sans babies. It was great. And my pizza had prosciutto on it. And yes, Italian pigs do taste better than American pigs.

171. Mythbusters. Yeah, I know, but it’s been such a lovely thing to unwind to after the girls go to bed. It’s silly, it’s frivolous, there’s no drama. It’s excellent.

172. Dream feeds. Why did it take me this long to start doing this?  It’s cut down on the amount of time I’m up with Haley. Which means we both get more sleep. Which means we are both less cranky during the day.  It’s a win win.

173. The little love fest Beth and I periodically have in our emails. Right, Beth?

174. I’m back in my size 6 pants! I haven’t had an opportunity to weigh myself, but size 6 is the smallest I have ever been so I’m thrilled.

175. The weather cooled down enough that the girls can wear pajamas again. I love babies in pajamas. They are the cutest little packages.

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156. We got a walker this week. Basically, it’s an excersaucer with wheels.  Haley loves it!

157. Haley napping in the car.

158. Cuddles with Hazel while her sister napped (not while in the car).

159. Daughters who get really excited when I turn on the CD player.

160. That nothing lasts forever. A rough patch with the girls is not set in stone. They will change as they grow and their schedule changes. I just have to take deep breaths and ride it out.

161. That next week will be a little cooler.

162. For the real, honest-to-goodness swim lessons that we start next week.

163. For the cars that actually stop for us at the cross walk. Even police cars go by. It’s a law, peeps. Yous gotta stop!

164. For the reminders that I am not alone with twin madness! It’s nice to know that other mommas deal with the same crap joys I do.

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This was such a good week. Haley was back to her normal self, both girls were happy, the weather was beautiful, but not too hot. We had it good. The one black spot on this week is that Hazey got a temperature Friday morning. It was low grade and she was in pretty good spirits, but when the medicine would wear off she would get that glassy, I-have-a-fever look in her eyes.  She’s such a good girl. She puts up with Haley’s shenanigans even when she doesn’t feel well.

146. Homemade finger paint. Cause then I don’t have to worry as much when Haley does this:

147. Play date with Elise and Owen.

148. Hanging out with Stephyn!

149. Being reminded that I am so glad I get to stay home with the girls and I don’t have to work 40 hours a week.

150. The zen of crocheting. I started up again and I try to do a little while the girls are napping. It’s very calming. Thankfully. Cause with the craziness ramping up in our house I need all the calm I can get!

151. Ken and I have been together for 5 years now. Half a decade! I think that’s pretty incredible considering before we met Ken kept getting his heart broken and I hadn’t managed to commit to one person for longer than a couple months.

152. My daily emails with Beth. It’s wonderful to have someone to “talk” to who is in almost the exact same situation. Plus, her kids are really cute and sometimes I get to see pictures!

153. My friend Nichole and her family finally bought a house! I am so thankful/thrilled for them. They use to live near us and recently moved and the move has made everything better for them. They had tried to buy a house here and it was just a nightmare for them. I’m so happy it all finally worked out!

154. My new cookbook. I made dinner last night from it. So good!

155. The Bite of Oregon was this weekend! (Pictures and details to come later, I promise!)

I hope you all had good weeks. I’m going to take my coffee and go roll around on the floor with some cute babies I know.

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