Posts Tagged ‘sahm’


Sorry guys, this is going to be another downer post. I know after Thanksgiving you deserve something happy and I promise the next post will be happy and about babies.

This is about babies, but it’s not an upper.

I need advice from fellow mommas. I miss being at home with my girls so much. Seriously. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t wish I didn’t have to go to work and have a job. I wish my income wasn’t desperately needed to keep our family out of debt. Also, I’m still not loving my job. I feel out of place in this new school and I’m lonely. I day dream about finding something else. And then the guilt sets in because Ken is really happy here and I watched him be REALLY unhappy at his last job for two years. He deserves to have a job he loves.

It doesn’t help that the daycare at the school sent Haley home today. Why? Because she coughed a couple times (I’m assuming. They said she was coughing and she’s only coughed a couple times all day long with me) and spit up twice. I feel like I need to Google pictures of baby spit up and baby vomit and bring them in to show those people the difference. It’s times like that where I have no faith in the women working there. How can I trust them to take care of my daughters? They can’t even tell the difference between a sick baby and a healthy baby! Also, by the time they sent her home it was almost 10:30. She’s supposed to go down for a nap at 10. They hadn’t even tried. Like I said, no faith. I also fantasize about finding some place off campus to send the girls. Which would be stupid because that would just cost more money than we can afford, but I still fantasize about it.

Okay mommas, how do I make this better in my head? How do I not miss being at home with them so much?





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The Trouble With Being Thankful

This being thankful post has got me stressed out.

That sounds horrible, doesn’t it?

I don’t mean that all the wonderful gifts and things in my life that I am so grateful for a stressing me out. I mean that keeping track of them is stressing me out. I will be completely honest: this post usually escapes my memory until Saturday morning and I cannot for the life of me remember to write down the things I am thankful for as they happen.  Which leaves me on Saturday evening scrambling to try to remember what happened during the week that delighted me or humbled me or made me sigh with contentment.

Plus, this move has me super stressed out. I am still so glad we are making this change; it’s absolutely the right move for our family. But it means my tenure as stay-at-home-mom is soon coming to an end. And, yes, I will still be near the girls and I will still probably (hopefully) see them multiple times during the day. But these last (almost) 8 months have been the best and the hardest of my life and I have loved every moment of being at home with my girls. Knowing that they will never be like this and I will possibly never be a stay-at-home-mom again makes these last two weeks a little bittersweet.  I am trying to breathe in every moment, no matter how rank-tastic with poop it may be. I am trying to fully enjoy every happy moment and keep calm in the frustrating moments.

I am so thankful that Ken was able to give me the last 8 months to stay home with the girls and to be the sole person in charge of their development. I have been able to use whatever parenting approaches I want and experiment with what works for our family without worrying about how it will affect a daycare or a nanny or anyone other than us. I feel like my patience has grown and I have learned so much about infant development (which I find totally fascinating, by the way).

When I was pregnant I would wish that I could be at home with my baby instead of having to work (back when we thought there was only one baby), and then once we knew it was double, I was fairly certain staying home was out of the question. But the universe aligned to put me where I was needed most and I’m so grateful that I have been able to experience the craziness that is staying home with twins. Every. Single. Day.  And obviously it hasn’t been all sunshine and roses, but it has been a delight and a test of my strength and a giggle fest and a cry fest. We have days where we giggle and play and find so much joy in each other that I can’t even believe I got so lucky. Then there are days, like Friday, where I have a sick, sad baby who just wants to held and cuddled and is miserable, and then there is the other baby who just wants to play and have fun and I am so worn and tired by the end of the day with trying to keep both babies happy and cater to their very different wants and needs.  But at the end of the day, how bad could it actually have been when the sad, sick baby took a 20 minute nap on my chest while her sister blissfully played beside me and I was able to build a blanket of forts and play avalanche with the happy baby?

This is a good-bye to the thankful posts. I probably won’t post on Sunday for a while, just with the move and the unpacking and the babies and the oh-my-god-I’m-going-to-need-so-much-beer! But I am not abandoning counting my gifts. Julia’s blog initially inspired this series and I’m going to follow her example again. I am going to start counting my gifts in my other posts. If something happens in a post that I am sharing I will number it (#197) and then continue along.  We can continue counting together!

Be patient with me in the next month. The blog may suffer through the moving process. I hope not, cause this is such a haven for me, but, much like my sad, neglected, dying garden it is the first thing to get cut out when I am overwhelmed. Oh and, if you are the praying kind, please pray that the girls weather the move and the transitions with as much MORE grace than their mother weathers change.



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Circle of Moms

Okay, I realize I’ve been harassing bugging ENCOURAGING you guys to vote for me hardcore on this Circle of Moms thing.  I thought some insight into my obsession might be due.

I’ve pretty much always had a job.  I got my first job my senior year of high school and have been working almost constantly ever since, and when I haven’t had a job it’s been because I was in a play/musical or at school.  And being in school didn’t mean I was slouching around, I took 18-20 credits every semester.  I was a busy girl.  So this whole SAHM thing that I’m doing now is a little weird for me.  I loved my job at the daycare (most days), and deciding not to go back was really hard for me, but ultimately it was the best decision for our new family.  I’m definitely not any less busy than I’m use to being, but it’s different kind of busy (and not earning my own money is a little hard for me to wrap my head around).

All that being said, I have a lot of my non-mommying self-worth wrapped up in this blog right now.  I’ve found a release in writing about my days with the girls that I desperately needed, but it feels a little like talking into a void.  I’m sure this isn’t an unusual feeling.  I assume most bloggers feel this way when they first start writing.

But getting votes in this Circle of Moms list?  I feel like I’m being heard.  Even if people don’t comment on my blog, the fact that I can go on the contest page and see my votes go up and my standing change… It means the world to me.  Well, maybe not the world.  It means a whole continent to me!  I’m very grateful and touched by everyone who clicks on that little thumbs up icon next to H-Squared.  Even if I don’t make it to the top 25, it’s still nice to know my (now) very different life is being observed.

So, thanks guys! You rock!


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