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I don’t know how I feel about this whole two year old thing. One minute I absolutely love it and it’s my favorite age and the next I feel like I’m going to strangle them. And everyone says three is worse! But I love this series of posts because it reminds me of all the funny, quirky, wonderful things they say when I’m about ready to collapse from exhaustion or when I feel like my brain is going to explode if I have to break up one more fight.

PS. Momma, I am so sorry for the times I messed with Kathleen just to get her upset. I had no idea what I was doing to you, I really just wanted to piss her off.

photo(2)while playing Hazel.

Hazel: (as her character) I have to go potty! (moves her toy to my cheek).

Me: Is my face the toilet?

Hazel: Yes!

 

Haley: I need my microphone glass.

 

Haley: Sissy, may I use it?

They say may when they are asking for something. It makes me melt. I love how polite they are.

 

Me: I’m scared.

Hazel: No, you not scared. You brave.

 

Haley: I’m fixing the table. There. All clean.

 

Haley: Is that me again? Oh, I so sorry!

Me: What happened?

Haley: I toot and poop again. I toot and toot and toot!

 

Me: Is it time to get out of the tub?

Haley: No, I just fell a little bit.

Me: Okay, well, five more minutes and then you need to be all done.

Haley: Okay, I just going to relax a little bit.

 

Haley: Bye, snail! Thank you, snail!

 

Me: What are you going to do?

Hazel: I come see you and roar. ROAR!

 

Me: Hazel, that is not listening. That is called being defiant.

Hazel: ROAR!

Me: Exactly. It took all the self control I have not to laugh when she did this.

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[Our neighbor has about nine pygmy goats. Goats who get out and into our yard at least once a day. They are harmless and runaway if the girls so much as look in their direction.]

Hazel: No, goats! Stop eating mine grass! That ours!

2a

[I hear this all the time. From both girls, but Hazel started it. They want to know the title of every single song they hear, which is great because they can tell me when they want to hear a certain song, but exhausting when they ask it three times in a row for the same song.]

Hazel: What that song is?

 

Haley: Calm down, dear. Tell what’s happened?

 

Haley: Daddy, you funny?

Ken: Yes, I’m funny.

Haley: Haha. You think so.

 

Hazel: Go ‘side right now! One, two, three… [Give you one guess who she’s imitating here.]

1a

Hazel: I can’t find my head, sissy.

Haley: Don’t worry, I find your head! Here’s your head.

 

Hazel: [whenever Ken coughs] Easy, Daddy, easy. I got you.

 

Hazel: Follow me, Daddy.

Ken: Where are we going?

Hazel: Um, I don’t know.

Me: Hazel, say ‘don’t ask silly questions, daddy’.

Hazel: [haltingly] Don’t ask silly questions, Daddy. [with authority] Now, come on!

 

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Haley: Um…  yeah.

Hazel: Um, no.

Haley: Um, yeah, sissy. You do like pancakes.

Hazel: Thanks, sissy!

 

Turning to look in the potty after she got done pooping.

Hazel: Whoa! Big!

I have a 12-year-old boy’s sense of humor. I thought this was hysterical. She sounded so impressed!

 

We just taught the girls how to do the Marco Polo call and response. We use it at the playground mostly, when one of them goes into a play structure where it’s hard for us to see them. It’s really cute. What’s even cuter is when they do it with each other, because then it usually ends up being something like this:

Haley: Marco!

Hazel: Polo!

Haley: Polo!

Hazel: Marco!

 

Haley: Hello, what you doing?

Hazel: Twirling.

Haley: Oh, can I do too?

Hazel: Sure!

 

Haley: giggle I naughty.

Me: You’re naughty?! Why are you naughty?

Haley: Because I being a stinker!

Hazel: I stinker too! And piglet.

 

Ken: Are you a wild child?
Haley: No, I a girl name Haley.

 

Hazel: Don’t eat my banana, Daddy! Eat you banana.

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The girls’ language skills have really blossomed in the last few months. Ken and I are still needed to translate for everyone else on the planet, but we understand almost everything they say and marvel at the sentences they are able to come up with.

 

Upon coming outside to play.

Me: Yikes, it’s kind of cold out here.

Haley: Yeah,  I know, Momma.

And yes, she said that with all the attitude her little body possesses.

25Me: Haley, did you see what pajamas you have on?

Haley: Penguins! I. Love. Penguins.

Me: I know. I washed them for you.

Haley: Thanks, Mom.

24Hazel’s new thing is to say “I don’t know” when you ask her a question, even if she knows the answer.  Like “What do want to eat, Hazey?” “um, I don’t know. Banana!” And speaking of bananas the ladies almost never just call them bananas. They call them “bitabanana”. Which is toddler speak for a bite of banana.  It’s pretty cute. But then, let’s face it. Everything they say is cute, even when it isn’t what I want them to say. 🙂

But this is the conversation that melted my cold, cold heart into a puddle of goo.

Haley: I little bit scared, sissy.

Hazel: It okay, I protect you.

20

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